so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
