I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
