at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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