I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
