my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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