i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
