This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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