Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
