When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
