never play flip cup with pint glasses
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
