It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize