every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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