bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
