We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
