What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
