i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
