drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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