Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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