I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've blown a few things in my day
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
