He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
