so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
