My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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