new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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