Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
