Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want to be your penis for a week.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
