we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
