I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
