This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
