Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
