I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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