You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize