good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Two words: blizzard sex
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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