atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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