he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How external is "for external use only"?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
