More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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