Whoa Z and x make the same sound
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
