I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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