we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no you cant smoke seaweed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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