Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its liver damage thursday
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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