I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
