He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
