too bad you live with your parents still
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize