Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
