I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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