it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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