he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
