Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
