THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
