Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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