you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
