is your mom at the bar?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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