so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
