It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
