I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize