she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
