I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
