just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
