does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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