so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
