Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
