ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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