OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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