Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
