so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
