1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
