I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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