who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
