He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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