i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
