Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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