fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
